columns for the online magazine Literary Mama. It is about confronting cancer but also a coming-of-middle-age story that helps to redefine midlife and its attendant crises.
Theme song? I'm looking at my top 25 Most Played songs. Maybe I should I just list them: "Strong Enough," "Let's Get It On," "Love's Divine" (my kids will be so embarrassed by this one), "Late for the Sky," "Angel from Montgomery," "Wasted Time," "Hotel California," "Amie," "Desperado," "I Write the Book"… can you guess when I went to college?
What did you edit out of Cancer Is a Bitch that you most regret not including?
I threw just about everything in there and the stuff I took out was only to protect the privacy of my friends and family. Really it's mostly all in there!
In writing Cancer Is a Bitch, what did you discover about yourself that you had not noticed while living through the events you recount?
That I was stronger and more determined than I knew. Also that I managed to find humor even in the darkest, scariest moments. Not sure where that came from. Also the compassion I felt for others, those caring for me, my friends and family. I was so grateful for their love and really almost surprised. I knew I had great friends and kids and husband but I didn't know the depth of their feelings for me. When my best friend said she'd shave her head in solidarity with me (although luckily neither of us had to), when my husband said he wished he could have taken the hit for me… I'm sort of tearing up over this one…
And that I really love living.
At one point in the book, you write, "I ache for what I've done and can't undo." Which three things you've done that you can't undo do you most regret?
I think I was referring to burdening my children with my health problems. Never did I imagine doing that at this stage in life. It still makes me ache when I think about what my son has seen and worried about in the past few years. Or that my daughters will likely always worry about their breasts. I wish I could take that all away.
Although just the other day when I was in Border's with my son and he stood next to my stack of books on the front table, he turned to me and said, "Wow, Mom. You really turned this thing around. Didn't you?"
You also note your appreciation of irony in Cancer Is a Bitch. What would you identify as the most ironic aspect of writing this memoir?
Funny… I originally wrote these crazy raw intimate thoughts and fears into that journal so I didn't have to burden my friends and family with them and now you can buy them! Or hear me read them at Border's on October 11 and the Wisconsin Book Festival on October 16.
What were the most useful books and online resources you relied on that you would recommend to other people with breast cancer, and why would you recommend each?
Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book is the bible. There is also the Mayo Clinic Guide to Women's Cancers. Other than those two as main resources, I read a lot of alternative health books about nutrition. To name a few: The Cancer Recovery Eating Plan, Eat to Beat Cancer, and Spontaneous Healing. I get regular updates on the internet from AICR that's very focused on nutrition and prevention. I also recently discovered the site mycrazysexylife that was started by Kris Carr who wrote Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips, another terrific book!
There is an incidental episode in the book during which you pick up copies of Isthmus, The Onion, Wisconsin Woman, Maximum Ink and Sustainable Times. How do each of these publications reflect your personal interests? And what other magazines and newspapers do you read?
Isthmus is by far my favorite! Not only is it a great paper but it helps me mark my week. When I see a new one at the coffee shop I know it's Thursday! I especially like the cultural news about books, music, art, dance. And I swear by the restaurant reviews. Also, I always glance at the personals because some of those are pretty funny!
The Onion just makes me laugh out loud.
The other three…. hmmm…. I don't really read them regularly. But I like Wisconsin women and believe in living sustainably.
I read the New York Times, the Wisconsin State Journal, The New Yorker, Harper's, Poets and Writers, Utne Reader, Esquire, Health, Prevention, Yoga Journal and when I'm traveling I always read the gossip rags! Sometimes I just really need to know what's going on with Angelina and Jen…
Another incidental point in the book raises the notion of the clarity that came with your diagnosis, in terms that suggest it is almost a gift. What other gifts did your experience bring, and how have you applied them to your daily life?
I guess it woke me up even though I didn't know I wasn't awake. Like I may have already said, it changed my perspective so dramatically it was as if I'd traveled to a foreign land. That's how I saw my life. Like a foreigner. All the every day stuff looked brand new, exotic, brighter, which I think is why I was compelled to write from my life after years of writing fiction. But it also gave me a sense of urgency. I'd always been a hesitator and an over-thinker. Instead of why, I started thinking why not? Since my diagnosis I have written and sold this book, run two half marathons, gone to yoga boot camp (for half my yoga teaching training certification), launched my two daughters to college and traveled to Italy.
It also opened me up to myself and to the world and not to sound all new-agey but once I opened myself up to the world, the world opened up to me.
To what or whom do you ascribe your sense of humor?
I'm not sure. I guess I came from a very boisterous, opinionated verbally aggressive family where talk was like an Olympic sport. You had to be sharp and fast just to get through the dinner conversation. But I think I didn't always feel up to par and learned to use humor to get by. The funny thing is that often the things that people think are funniest that I say or write, I don't realize are funny. It's more me being honest.
Oh and I also was a stand-up comic. Once. I totally bombed. But still. I guess I've always enjoyed making people laugh.
When, where and how do you prefer to write?
I have a little house (sort of a mini version of my house) in my backyard. It's tiny and filled only with things that either have a lot of meaning for me or are writing related. No Internet or phone line (although I bring my cell in case there's an emergency). No extraneous notes about kids ortho appointments or picking up the dry cleaning. I wrote the entire memoir in that mini-house and in fact wrote about it and my writing ritual in my book. But that was before we got two puppies late last fall and I started writing in the real house again and then the promotion from the book started kicking in. But I plan to get back out to the mini-house and my ritual after the initial rush of the book launch dies down.
The theme of this year's Wisconsin Book Festival is "Changing Places." What does that mean to you?
I inadvertently changed places when I was diagnosed from a place of complacency to one of urgency and although I wouldn't wish a diagnosis on anyone, I do feel it taught me how to live. I guess that's another irony. Facing my mortality taught me how to live.
If you could change the place where you live -- your home, Shorewood Hills, Madison, Wisconsin, the U.S. or earth -- how would you change it?
Haha! I think I'll stay on the earth. But I do have fantasies of living in Europe. I guess Paris would be my top choice even though I barely speak French. And New York City. I always think that's where I'm really meant to live. Until this past summer when I was in New York for almost a week for a writer's conference and to visit my oldest daughter and it was hot and running was awful, cars trying to run over us and people and exhaust everywhere!! And it was expensive and I thought, maybe living in Madison is just right for me.
What if you could change places with someone? With whom would you change places?
Right now, I'm pretty content. It feels like this is pretty close to having it all. Family, friends, finally launching my career. I might say a younger writer since it took me so long to launch but no, I think I'll say I am exactly where I want to be.
What was the last book you read that you are recommending to friends and neighbors, and why are you recommending it?
I know I'm a little late to the ballgame on this one but I only recently read The Secret History by Donna Tartt and loved it. I'm recommending it because it is brilliant writing. Maybe she's the younger writer I was thinking about changing places with… when she was younger. I'm in the middle of the new David Sedaris and I always recommend him because he strikes that perfect balance between humor and poignancy. I saw him at the Overture Center last year or the year before and he's like a rock star writer. I adore him! I aspire to be the female him.
Which other presenters at this year's Wisconsin Book Festival do you most look forward to seeing?
Oh my God I just realized David Sedaris will be back at the Overture Center this year but I'm in NYC that night reading at the KGB Bar. Damn. But I also love Ann Beattie, Mary Gordon, Jess Riley, Danielle Younge-Ullman, Bob McChesney (he's going to be there?), Tom Perrotta, Marilynne Robinson. What a great line-up!
What is your greatest guilty pleasure?
Coffee, chocolate, little bit of red wine. And maybe surfing the internet obsessively. Reading that I sound pretty tame, don't I?