Dear Tell All: I'm still attracted to my wife after years of marriage. However, sometimes when we're having sex, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, if you know what I mean. The pressure is on me to perform, and I find myself reverting to a trick: thinking of nasty things involving other sexually attractive women I know. This usually has the desired effect, but I sometimes feel guilty afterwards. It's like I wasn't really with my wife, but with the women I was thinking about.
This "technique" makes our lovemaking go well, so that's a good thing. My wife doesn't know I'm thinking of other women, so no harm done there. Am I beating myself up for no good reason?
Dear Softy: If you feel guilty, you probably are guilty. Part of you must realize you're not doing right by your wife, or you wouldn't be asking the question.
It's normal to fantasize, of course, but I get the sense you would prefer a different experience in bed. Am I correct in thinking your ideal lovemaking session would involve focusing on your wife instead of those women in your head? If so, why not fantasize out loud? Get your wife involved in those "nasty things" rather than keeping quiet about them. With a little effort, I think you could find satisfaction with one woman, rather than the several you need at the moment.
Dear Tell All: "Embarrassed Cracker" declares that Native Americans feel insulted by Indian mascots for Wisconsin high school sports teams, and many undoubtedly do ("Down With Indian Mascots," 8/29/2013). But it is patronizing for Cracker and other outsiders to speak on behalf of Native Americans, turning them into a homogeneous mass. The Seminoles say they are pleased to have Florida State use their name and to depict their great warrior, Chief Osceola. And I haven't heard of any complaints about the Celtics, the Vikings, the Fighting Irish, or the several Israeli teams named Maccabi after a Jewish warrior clan.
Truly offensive is Ole' Miss' "Rebels," which glorifies the slave-owners' insurrection that sought to tear apart the United States to preserve human bondage and white hegemony.
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