Dear Tell All: I think open-marriage advocate Don Juan is fooling himself if he thinks he's having the best possible relationship with his wife ("In Praise of Open Marriage," 3/23/2012). "Feeling free to be with other people has allowed us to stay together for almost 10 years," he wrote. "It's not that we aren't committed to each other; it's that we both like sexual variety."
Well, how committed to each other can they really be if they're always on the prowl for other people to screw around with? I don't doubt that Don Juan and his wife have convinced themselves they have a fine relationship, but I would venture that their lifestyle guarantees a less intimate bond.
What they're having is "fun," not "love." And fun is fine when you're an undergraduate, maybe, or a singleton looking for action. But living that way with a partner for 10 years and beyond? That makes me think Don Juan and his wife are two people who never grew up, and never want to.
Maybe they'll be together for another 10 years, but it's hard to imagine their bond growing deeper, as in an ideal marriage.
Dear Tell All: Don Juan said that "as long as no one gets hurt, I should be able to have as many sexual partners as I want." He also admitted he and his wife experience "occasional pangs of jealousy."
I see a contradiction there. If the two of them are experiencing jealousy, someone is getting hurt. Maybe they've convinced themselves that these feelings are unimportant, but come on - do they really think jealousy is contributing to a better relationship between them?
One of the joys of being in a marriage - a good one, anyway - is feeling confident that the other person is devoted to you. I bet if Don Juan and his wife ever experienced that feeling, they'd like it. Seems to me that unlimited sex would be satisfying for only a limited amount of time.