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Citizen Dave: The Week in Review, or Rick Santorum's problems with Christmas carols


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Where would be without Rick Santorum?

The U.S. Senate was about to pass an innocuous-enough sounding resolution ratifying a United Nations treaty that essentially would extend our own People With Disabilities Act to the rest of the world. Former Republican Senate leader and presidential candidate Bob Dole was even brought to the Senate floor in a wheel chair to speak in favor of it.

Everything seemed hunky-dory until Rick Santorum saw through all that hunk and dore. In a press conference, the former senator and presidential primary candidate pointed out that this had nothing to do with making it easier for people with disabilities to function fully in the world. No, it was all about taking away Americans' right to home school their children.

It all seems so obvious now that Santorum explained it. He spotted the problem in the sinister sounding line in the treaty, which read, "The best interests of the child shall be a primary consideration."

I know. I know. That sounds like communism right off the bat. But Santorum explained that these words could be used at some future date to prevent parents from home schooling their disabled children. The tea partiers got riled, and so Republicans got scared and the treaty went down. Whew, that was a close one.

But if it hadn't been for Rick Santorum, I would have just assumed that a treaty supported by a disabled veteran war hero Republican leader like Bob Dole was a good thing. I would have felt so duped.

So I wondered what other stuff was out there that was getting by me. I visited Santorum's website ricksantorumisaparanoidfearmonger.com.

Appropriately for the season, Santorum points out some of the problems with common Christmas carols. There are the ones with the obvious socialistic messages, like "Good King Wenceslas."

Therefore Christian men be sure,
Wealth or rank processing,
He who now shall bless the poor,
Shall yourselves find blessing.

If that's not an outright demand for job-killing income redistribution, I don't what is.

And "The Twelve Days of Christmas"? Please. The "true love" in the song is just the hard-working half of Americans being put upon to give ever more numerous and expensive gifts to the 47% of us lazy takers.

So, those are pretty straightforward. But there are also dangerous messages in the seemingly pleasant "White Christmas."

Santorum breaks down the song.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

Santorum's response: So am I! A very white Christmas!

Just like the ones I used to know.

Santorum: Harkening back to a traditional America. Yes.

Where the treetops glisten And children listen To hear sleigh bells In the snow

Santorum: Okay people. Here's where the trouble starts. Treetops glistening is a clear reference to eco-radical nature worship and of course they want children to listen for sleigh bells because they want to confiscate everyone's car!

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas With every Christmas card I write

Santorum: Who are they trying to kid with this one? Every card I write? A traditional Christmas color is green. Cards. Green cards. Get it? This is a subtle message about amnesty for illegal immigrants.

May your days be merry and bright And may all your Christmases be white

Santorum: This line was clearly put in by the elitist gay ("merry") intellectuals ("bright").

So, there you have it from Rick Santorum himself. There are so many things out there that, if we would just think about them from the perspective of a crazy right-wing paranoid whack job, we'd see the evil intent.

That's all I've got for now kids. Have a good weekend.

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