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CITIZEN DAVE

Citizen Dave: Ten questions for the end of the world


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It's snowing. You're probably at home thinking about tomorrow's scheduled end of the world. So am I. And I'm sure I've got the same questions you have.

  1. Do I still need to shovel my walk? I mean, will the city of Madison still fine me for not getting my walk shoveled tomorrow? Probably. I'd say don't take any chances on this one.

  2. Like most men I know, I decided I didn't need to do any Christmas shopping what with the world ending four days before the holiday anyway. If, for some reason, we all wake up on Saturday morning and I still don't get out to shop before Tuesday, can I blame the Mayans?

  3. Do the Madison ordinances allow for the suspension of alternate side parking rules on the night before the end of the world? No. You still have to move your car.

  4. I'm not clear on the exact time of the end of the world tomorrow. If it's going to end before noon, is there any point in taking a shower?

  5. When John Boehner talked about "Plan B" to avert the fiscal cliff, is this what he was talking about? Would Republicans rather see the world end before raising taxes on the rich?

  6. Could the end of the world have been avoided if we hadn't banned prayer in public schools, allowed gay marriage and marijuana in some states and not required every American household to own at least three guns?

  7. This isn't a question so much as a sublime observation. With the world ending tomorrow the Packers go out as North Division champs again having defeated the Chicago Bears in the final two meetings of the oldest rivalry in professional football. Ahhh.

  8. Sticking with sports, will Barry Alvarez get paid $76,129.03, which would be his prorated pay for 20 days work in coaching the Badgers in the Rose Bowl that won't happen?

  9. Another happy sports observation: this will be the first time in recent NBA history that the Milwaukee Bucks won't be the only team that doesn't make the playoffs.

  10. Apparently, this end of the world thing is really taking off in Russia, where the government assures people that the world will not end tomorrow, but that Russians were still vulnerable to "blizzards, ice storms, tornadoes, floods, trouble with transportation and food supply, breakdowns in heat, electricity and water supply." If you lived in Russia would you just as soon the world end tomorrow?

Look folks, whatever happens tomorrow, I think that if they were still around, the Mayans would tell you that it has been a pretty interesting 5,125 year run, and whatever happens from here on out is just bonus time. Actually, this is not a bad way to think about the future if the future happens after all.

Now go shovel your walk.

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