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Friday, October 24, 2014 |  Madison, WI: 50.0° F  Fog/Mist
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Soon-to-be Wisconsin Capitol rule: Cameras must be attached to guns
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The following article was recovered from the future.

In yet another clarification of the state Capitol's policy against allowing cameras in the Assembly and Senate galleries, Capitol officials announced that photo and video devices are only allowed if attached to a licensed firearm.

"While we believe keeping the current prohibition of cameras in the chambers is key to maintaining a respectful, decorous work environment, we simply cannot justify violating a citizen's second amendment rights by barring guns that happen to have cameras," explained Sen. Leah Vukmir (R-Wauwatosa), chair of the Senate Committee on Administrative Rules.

National Rifle Association President David Keene said the rule was yet another step forward in Wisconsin's path towards full recognition of gun rights.

"In just a few short months, the Badger State has gone from 'worst-to-first,'" he quipped. "Actually, maybe not first. They've still got nothing on Vermont -- those sons of bitches are craaazy! And by that I mean they have the utmost respect for individual liberty."

Gun cameras, until recently used only by police departments to document shoot-outs, have become the most Googled item in Wisconsin since the new policy was announced. Popular gun manufacturers, such as Baretta and Colt, announced plans to make camera-equipped firearms available.

Senate President Mike Ellis, the chamber's most senior Republican, was the only member of his party to voice skepticism of the policy. "I just don't know about this," he said. "Clearly most of these spectators mean well and just want to take a few pictures on their gun camera but it's tough to engage in meaningful debate when dozens of barrels are pointing down at you."

Ellis added that he had overheard one spectator ask another if he had to pull the trigger to get the camera rolling. "I wanted to tell him, 'Hey, make sure to take a picture of [Democratic Sen.] Lena Taylor,'" he said. "Just kidding," he added, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.

Some legislative Democrats said they'd rather quit than face the barrels of the people. "Actually, I don't want this job anymore," said Sen. Jess King (D-Oshkosh), who recently won her seat in a recall election against former Republican Sen. Randy Hopper. "Being Deputy Mayor of Oshkosh was a lot more laid back."

Still other Democrats plan to protest by fleeing to Illinois, a state that does not allow for concealed carry of firearms in the state capitol.

State GOP Party Chair Mark Jefferson decried the Democrats' ploy as obstructionist and cowardly. "It's a sad day when the very same democracy that our founding fathers stared down cannon to create is obstructed by some pussy-ass Democrats who can't take a few tourists with camera-guns."

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