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Dear Tell All: My sweet little girl has turned into a teenager -- with a vengeance. At 16, she's obsessed with guys, along with the way she looks. This whole thing has been building up since middle school, but recently it's reached crisis proportions.
The flashpoint in our household is the way she dresses. Her outfits have become increasingly risqué. She wants ever higher heels, ever lower-cut tops. She's starting to look less like a sophomore than a stripper.
How hard do I come down on her? I'm revolted every time I see her dress this way, but I don't know if I should become a complete fascist and start dictating what clothes she wears. Up until this point I've stopped short of calling in the National Guard, though I frequently make my feelings known. And that's led to a lot of fights and a lot of tension.
I just wish I had my little girl back.
Fuddy Duddy
Dear Fuddy: As you've probably guessed, your little girl isn't coming back. But do you really want her to? That wouldn't fit with the normal maturation process, which is actually a beautiful part of life. It might be hard to see the beauty of it right now, in the midst of all the fighting in your house. But adolescence is a wonderful and mysterious thing, even though the passage can be difficult for all involved. Kids need to rebel, make mistakes and find their own answers -- yes, their own shoes, too -- to reach the next stage. I get the impression you sense that, since you've so far refrained from becoming a complete fascist.
I suggest you keep refraining. Certainly, you should set a limit for your daughter's clothes, but do it with a spirit of tolerance and a sense of humor. That could defuse the tension and lead to some reasonable compromises.
Not only is this the best choice, it's also about the only choice. As you surely know, there's no way you could stop your daughter from evolving into a sexual being, even if you did have the National Guard on your side.
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