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Two Couples Sitting on a Bench at the Edge of a Lake in a Park
Dear Tell All: I'm in the middle of a sticky situation with the parents of my son's former best friend. This friend -- I'll call him Connor -- met my oldest son on the first day of preschool in Madison, and they immediately bonded. The friendship remained strong through the rest of preschool and kindergarten, and my husband and I got to be very good friends with Connor's parents. We often invited each other over for dinner.
Then came first grade. Connor and my son are now in different classes, and they've drifted apart. In fact, they don't seem to like each other at all anymore. I keep encouraging my son to invite Connor over for a playdate, but he has no interest.
Meanwhile, I'm tied up in knots over what to do about his parents. They invited us over last, and I feel we owe them a dinner. I don't want to make things awkward for my son, but I also don't want to hurt the feelings of people I consider real friends. Should I call them up to deal with the situation?
Mixed-Up Mom
Dear Mom: I admire your concern for other people's feelings, but I'm snickering behind my hand at your naiveté. Of course, you've got the best excuse in the world for being naïve about such matters. You're relatively new at the parent game.
So let me lay it out for you: These people do not want to have dinner with you anymore. The truth is, they didn't really care about you that much to begin with. This was a purely situational friendship, Mixed-Up Mom, and it has now vanished.
Don't even worry about "dealing with it." Parents tacitly accept the fact that they will hang out with the parents of their kids' friends so long as the pee-wee relationship lasts. When it ends, parents will just move on, no questions asked. If you asked Connor's parents over for dinner now, they'd be deeply puzzled.
It's harsh, I know, but that's the parent game. And just like kids, you need to learn to play by the rules.
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