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Q & A with Diaper Daniels of Cribshitter

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Q & A with Diaper Daniels of Cribshitter

Postby Logjam » Thu Sep 11, 2008 6:52 am

After two years of honing their live show as a four piece band, local twang-poop pioneers Cribshitter have released their first recording, Cry a Little Rainbow. I sat down with Captain-of-the-Crib Diaper Daniels in his corner office at a prominent Madison law firm to get the history on the band and their recording project. He was kind enough to take a break between billable hours to answer my questions and have his secretary fetch me a glass of potato vodka.

Cribshitter is a terrible band name, just awful, and I'm not even going to dignify it by asking where it came from or what it means. Having said that, do you have any thoughts on the Green Bay Packers heading into the 2008 season with Aaron Rodgers at the helm of the offense?

First of all, before I say anything.....(long pause, 90 seconds at least).

I'm not much of a sports guy, but I think A-Crotch will surprise the fans this year. As long as he keeps his mullet and that prison pussy on his face, the team is in good hands.

The CD has been available for a couple of weeks now and the reviews are starting to come out. I'm not one to pay attention to music critics but I am curious about one review - what does Grandma Daniels think of the music? Has she even heard this filth?

She will never hear it. I am working on a tamer version of the album that I can give to my parents and relatives. I love them too much. I think at least 50% of it will have to be cut, or at least bleeped out. I did make a radio-friendly version of "Jared's Different Around Girls" that is riddled with "fart you" instead of "fuck you." It works, but on a totally different level. Level 3.

Most of Cry a Little Rainbow is original material although you do cover John Lennon's "Oh Yoko" and John Waite's "Missing You". There are also brief snippets of songs from the Eagles and Beatles as well as nods to Eddie Money and Cher. Who do you suspect will be the first to send you a cease and desist letter?

That's a great question. The correct answer is John Waite, and here's why. Eddie Money is constantly on tour. Cher is preoccupied getting robotic vocal cords (and Licky-Licky lips) installed. And Yoko is too busy running around her flat naked eating cat food out of a white ceramic dish. So John Waite is going to team up with Chris DeBurgh (I think Chris could sense that I almost included my version of "Bitch is Wearin’ Red" on this album.) and go for the throat. You know what else? There was a DJ in my hometown who would play Eric Carmen's "Hungry Eyes" and then make a quip about how "Mr. Carmen must have had mashed potatoes stuck to his glasses when he wrote that song." That DJ has no idea what he did to me.

There are three tracks about a boy named Derek; "Derek is a Punk", "Derek Threw a Fucking Eraser at Me" and "Hit Derek in the Dick". Tell us about Derek, is he a bully or a martyr?

Bartyr.
Funny you should axe. Derek is a friend of a friend whom I only have met once briefly about nine years ago at a party in a blurry drunken stupor. I don't even remember anything about him. Fast forward to a couple days ago. I just attended my friend's wedding this weekend and he thought it would be funny to seat me with Derek (actually Derich). So it was pretty awkward when people started telling him about this album and all the songs that were written about him. I think he thought it was kinda funny, but at the same time kinda creepy. I gave him a CD at the end of the night and we parted ways. I think the first song for the next album will have to be "Derek has a Blonde Butt-cut."

Most people have a romanticized vision of what being in a band is like and they are usually curious about behind the scenes activities such as band practice. If you would be so kind - take us inside a Cribshitter rehearsal, make us the proverbial fly on the turd.

Practice is overrated. We usually make it a point to not practice if we can help it. We've probably practiced less than 20 times in the last 5 years. When we do practice, we usually turn off all the lights and start with a prayer to St. Greg-Greg, Protector of Dry Sockets. Then we turn on and tune out.

Imagine it is Thanksgiving day and you are gathered with the family for the traditional meal. Daddy Daniels is carving the bird - do you go with white or dark meat? How about The Fucking Lion, does he prefer gazelle, antelope or zebra?

Both dark and white meat. Can't all meats just get along in this world? Didn't Rodney King say that? But I really don't like eating meat off the bone. Humans have evolved. I know teeth are for tearing...but we have invented tools that will separate the meat from the bone. These tools should be used whenever possible.

The Fucking Lion usually skips these types of events. He prefers to spend time with his den mother and cub. He just got NFL Sunday Ticket so we probably won't see him for a while.

My friends in Nashville say there is a rumor going around Music City that Cribshitter will play a spot at the CMA Music Festival "Country's Night to Rock" (Monday, September 8, 8 pm central on ABC). Are you able to confirm or deny this rumor at this time? Do you have outfits picked out just in case? (this interview was conducted prior to the show - ed.)

I'm sorry but I cannot speak to that at this time. Is this off the record? Ok. You know....this all started when Skoal contacted us to endorse a new product of theirs. They are still market testing it, but it's basically a smaller version of their popular pre-pouched dippers Skoal Bandits. They are aimed at smaller-mouthed chewers (10-16 year-old demo) and they call them “Banditos.â€Â
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Postby harrissimo » Thu Sep 11, 2008 7:54 am

Is this supposed to be funny?
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Postby Garimba » Thu Sep 11, 2008 8:22 am

Lame.

Shouldn't this be in "hype exchange"?

Maybe TDP could open up a new category just for you? "Really Fucking Lame Hype Exchange".
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Postby Logjam » Thu Sep 11, 2008 8:53 am

It was intended to bring opposing souls together to share common ground and overcome their differences. It is working already! Mr. Harrisimo, Mr. Garimba, let the healing begin.
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Postby rrnate » Thu Sep 11, 2008 8:54 am

Cribshitter rules.
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Postby Garimba » Thu Sep 11, 2008 9:11 am

rrnate wrote:Cribshitter rules.


No disagreement with you there sir.

But, the post sounds like an interview between a high school football team and the head of the AV club.

Fuck you Logjam. Harris has no soul.
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Postby Mean Scenester » Thu Sep 11, 2008 9:19 am

rrnate wrote:Cribshitter rules.

Maybe so, but they shouldn't have let a 9-year-old name their band.

I've gotten past some stupid band names in my time, but c'mon ...
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Postby hey hombre » Thu Sep 11, 2008 10:22 am

Fuck You

Cribshitter is an awesome band name.

Perhaps you like your band names to "Mean Something" or maybe be a "Palindrome", but Cribshitter is a perfect name for that band.

once again, FUCK YOU.



......oh and get really angry. Do It.
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Postby Garimba » Thu Sep 11, 2008 10:27 am

hey hombre wrote:Fuck You

Cribshitter is an awesome band name.

Perhaps you like your band names to "Mean Something" or maybe be a "Palindrome", but Cribshitter is a perfect name for that band.

once again, FUCK YOU.



......oh and get really angry. Do It.


Your mom is going to be so pissed when she finds out you typed fuck into her computer.

Now, run along or you're going to be late for gym. Don't want to miss all the towel snapping fun in the locker room now do you?
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Postby supaunknown » Thu Sep 11, 2008 10:29 am

I laughed, I cried ...

Cribshitter rules.

Remember the band "Brat"? They had the wurst name ever!

Ew, sorry.
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Postby hey hombre » Thu Sep 11, 2008 10:30 am

Mr. Hoffman watches me when I shower and it scares me; do I have to go to Gym today, Mom?
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Postby harrissimo » Thu Sep 11, 2008 10:31 am

ENOUGH!
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Postby Garimba » Thu Sep 11, 2008 10:33 am

harrissimo wrote:ENOUGH!


Ahem... you started it.
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Postby hey hombre » Thu Sep 11, 2008 10:34 am

deep breathes, Harrissimo; you don't want to pass out!
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Postby Garimba » Thu Sep 11, 2008 10:37 am

hey hombre wrote:deep breathes, Harrissimo; you don't want to pass out!


He should be ok. He has an oxygen thing attached to his walker now. He is an angry little old man though!
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