MOBILE USERS: m.isthmus.com
Connect with Isthmus on Twitter · Facebook · Flickr · Newsletters · Instagram 
sweet corn sign
Thursday, July 24, 2014 |  Madison, WI: 78.0° F  Mostly Cloudy
Collapse Photo Bar

Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

What are the things that puzzle, enrage, delight and tickle you as you go about your life in Madison?

Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby rabble » Wed Nov 16, 2011 9:27 pm

snoqueen wrote:
Smile nice, say hi to see if I can force them to acknowledge me, and then mock them after I pass.


With an attitude like that, why do you bother? Seriously, why?

You mean, why do I bother to say hello? Or why do I mock them afterwards?

Actually I don't always make a crabby face afterwards. But I have to let them know I see them and know they're there. Because sometimes they reciprocate. And even if they don't, if it happens enough times maybe they'll learn how.
rabble
Forum God/Goddess
 
Posts: 5995
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2008 7:50 pm

Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby Huckleby » Wed Nov 16, 2011 10:15 pm

It seems several of the ladies in this thread are intent on offering lifestyle coaching and dating tips. As intensely useful as that advise may be, it applies generically to anywhere.

I'm interested in peoples' first or second hand reports from other urban areas. How does Madison compare to Denver?

I agree friendliness varies hugely by neighborhood. I live on Monroe St., very nice. I really love near east side for max good vibes. I had one friend who has lived a lot of places, and says the near east side is a bit insular & self-satisfied. Maybe, but I would like to live there just the same. To me, Orton Park fest. is best social event of year.
Huckleby
Forum God/Goddess
 
Posts: 6180
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2005 5:12 pm
Location: parents' basement

Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby MadMind75 » Wed Nov 30, 2011 4:34 am

Huckleby wrote:I think for a single person, Madison is a sucky town for finding a mate.

Ahhh the annual 'Madison Sucks', 'Singles Scene' subcategory discussion.
Funny how after over a decade of viewing and/or contributing to TDPF, no matter how much things change, some things never change. Can a city really change? I'd like to believe so. Moreover, can Madison change? If judging by the criticisms of the disgruntled over the years, it would seem not, sadly enough.

I don't even complain about it anymore. I've accepted it. I've waived the white flag. It is what it is. Now that doesn't mean my eyes suddenly don't work, it just means I've come not to expect the unexpected.

Huckleby wrote:I had one friend who has lived a lot of places, and says the near east side is a bit insular & self-satisfied.

I'd say that's incredibly apt. I've always felt that, but never quite had the right words. I think your friend hit the nail on the head on the overall 'vibe' of the near east-side.

Kyle Motor wrote:I agree that Milwaukee seems much more happenin' for the single scene. I get over there semi-regularly to visit friends; a night out there is different from here, and it's not because it's a bigger city. I think they've got more singles per capita, and they're out doing things instead of sitting around alone or in little cliques.

To quote a 30-something Milwaukee Facebook friend of mine (who I believe has spent his entire childhood and adulthood in and around Milw.) from just a week or so ago, who was complaining about being lonely; "Milwaukee is CRAP for dating."
It can't be any worse than Madison though, that's for sure.
Of course, it's hardly ever fair to compare Madison to larger cities in this regard, as it's almost a given that the larger city will have more opportunities for singles simply based on numbers alone.

msnflyer wrote:Good thing I'm comfortable with being the lone wolf...

It's unfortunate that it comes down to "being comfortable being the lone wolf" or moving on. I'm comfortable being solo most of the time as well, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't like to have options. That's the real downer. Choosing to be alone amidst a wealth of opportunity can be liberating & exciting, being pushed into being alone amidst a dearth of opportunity is claustrophobic and just plain depressing.

snoqueen wrote:Madison is what you make it.

I think if you go into it with the attitude "what's in this for me?" or are looking for some specific kind of supposed reward, you might be disappointed. The attitude "I'm interested in this and I might meet nice people" is more realistic.

Really now? "What you make it" only goes so far. Everybody's looking for something, even when they pretend not to be. It's just how it goes. One could join ridiculous "activities" and "try new things" for years intent on meeting someone and come up empty. A waste of time if you ask me.

Huckleby wrote:Singles tend to be transient.

To be honest, it's always been my impression that there are a fair amount of 40-something singles (albeit usually haggard and w/baggage) trolling Madison's nightlife. The real challenge is finding [appealing] singles 25-39. That's where the transience really comes into play, as other, usually larger, cities tempt them away. Then they get married, have children or plan on it, and move back to Madison.

There are no easy or quick solutions. Improving a city's "singles scene" runs the gamut, including big changes (population growth, jobs etc.) to smaller changes (nightlife, perception etc.). Everything goes hand-in-hand.

I think that, much like attracting [quality] jobs to Wisconsin and decreasing brain drain, to improve cities like Madison and Milwaukee, we need to alter the course and in doing so alter the perception. Because no matter how unfortunate, many people (especially young people) decide to move to or move from somewhere based on perception, and not necessarily substance (since substance is much more subjective and internalized than some sort of communal consensus which after hearing it repeated so often can only be true).

And how do we change perception? It doesn't even necessarily require any one big sweeping change (recalling Walker an exception to that rule :D ), but lots of little things affecting a cumulative result.

Changing Madison's overall trajectory along with any established stunted & stubborn social constructs to fit a new perception however is Mt. Everest, a seemingly impossible mountain to climb.
Last edited by MadMind75 on Wed Nov 30, 2011 4:50 pm, edited 3 times in total.
MadMind75
Forum Addict
 
Posts: 386
Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2009 11:19 pm

Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby MadMind75 » Wed Nov 30, 2011 4:11 pm

Huck, this is your last day to enter yourself as one of Madison's "Super Singles"!
Image
MadMind75
Forum Addict
 
Posts: 386
Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2009 11:19 pm

Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby rrnate » Wed Nov 30, 2011 4:49 pm

FACT: They ain't built the city that doesn't have people complaining about quality of social opportunity.

Y'all are grousers!
rrnate
Forum God/Goddess
 
Posts: 3656
Joined: Sat Feb 02, 2002 6:33 pm
Location: Madison's Corporate Underbelly

Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby Huckleby » Wed Nov 30, 2011 4:49 pm

gosh. me, a super single. what a city.
Huckleby
Forum God/Goddess
 
Posts: 6180
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2005 5:12 pm
Location: parents' basement

Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby MadMind75 » Thu Dec 01, 2011 3:50 am

rrnate wrote:FACT: They ain't built the city that doesn't have people complaining about quality of social opportunity.

Y'all are grousers!

Positively true, but that doesn't necessarily mean that all criticisms should be dismissed as mere hearsay.

I've often thought that an entire American city should be built and devoted to singles (w/no live-in kids). That means needing to be single to gain residency, and being ousted once you're in an LTR.
Of course, competition in this "singles city" would be cut-throat, and I imagine many singles wouldn't find the prospect of being surrounded by glib, vapid singles day in and day out attractive in the least.
MadMind75
Forum Addict
 
Posts: 386
Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2009 11:19 pm

Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby Huckleby » Thu Dec 01, 2011 6:18 am

rrnate wrote:FACT: They ain't built the city that doesn't have people complaining about quality of social opportunity.

Yes, but every city presents different opportunites for different people. Hell, every neighborhood in Madison can be quite different.

Just because you like chocolate ice cream doesn't mean other people will like it if they just have the right attitude.
Huckleby
Forum God/Goddess
 
Posts: 6180
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2005 5:12 pm
Location: parents' basement

Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby wallrock » Thu Dec 01, 2011 12:04 pm

MadMind75 wrote:I've often thought that an entire American city should be built and devoted to singles (w/no live-in kids). That means needing to be single to gain residency, and being ousted once you're in an LTR.
Of course, competition in this "singles city" would be cut-throat, and I imagine many singles wouldn't find the prospect of being surrounded by glib, vapid singles day in and day out attractive in the least.

Image
"Check your lease, man. Because you're living in Fuck City!"
wallrock
Forum God/Goddess
 
Posts: 804
Joined: Tue Apr 08, 2008 11:11 am
Location: Middleton

Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby rrnate » Thu Dec 01, 2011 12:44 pm

Huckleby wrote:Just because you like chocolate ice cream doesn't mean other people will like it if they just have the right attitude.


Conversely, that doesn't mean that the other people's bitching is going to change anything.
rrnate
Forum God/Goddess
 
Posts: 3656
Joined: Sat Feb 02, 2002 6:33 pm
Location: Madison's Corporate Underbelly

Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby Kyle Motor » Thu Dec 01, 2011 1:32 pm

rrnate wrote:
Huckleby wrote:Just because you like chocolate ice cream doesn't mean other people will like it if they just have the right attitude.


Conversely, that doesn't mean that the other people's bitching is going to change anything.

You are relatively young and married. You have no reason to gripe about our bitching about this.
Kyle Motor
Forum God/Goddess
 
Posts: 3266
Joined: Tue Dec 03, 2002 1:48 pm
Location: Rock'n'roll crazy nights

Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby rrnate » Thu Dec 01, 2011 2:17 pm

Kyle Motor wrote:
rrnate wrote:
Huckleby wrote:Just because you like chocolate ice cream doesn't mean other people will like it if they just have the right attitude.


Conversely, that doesn't mean that the other people's bitching is going to change anything.

You are relatively young and married. You have no reason to gripe about our bitching about this.


I apologize for raining on y'all's pity party and will stop posting on here after pointing out that I have single friends in their late 30's in multiple geographies - Chicago, Minneapolis, Seattle, San Francisco, NYC, Austin, etc., and they all complain about the same kind of stuff. This may be more of a national issue and if it is, I blame Obama.

Also, I would totally be a financial backer for Fuck City.
rrnate
Forum God/Goddess
 
Posts: 3656
Joined: Sat Feb 02, 2002 6:33 pm
Location: Madison's Corporate Underbelly

Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby Kyle Motor » Thu Dec 01, 2011 2:24 pm

rrnate wrote:I apologize for raining on y'all's pity party...

Thank you. That's all I'm asking.

rrnate wrote:...and will stop posting on here after pointing out that I have single friends in their late 30's in multiple geographies - Chicago, Minneapolis, Seattle, San Francisco, NYC, Austin, etc., and they all complain about the same kind of stuff.

I should get out of town more.
Kyle Motor
Forum God/Goddess
 
Posts: 3266
Joined: Tue Dec 03, 2002 1:48 pm
Location: Rock'n'roll crazy nights

Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby Huckleby » Thu Dec 01, 2011 8:34 pm

rrnate wrote:I apologize for raining on y'all's pity party and will stop posting on here after pointing out that I have single friends in their late 30's in multiple geographies - Chicago, Minneapolis, Seattle, San Francisco, NYC, Austin, etc., and they all complain about the same kind of stuff.


Well, what this proves is that finding a mate can be tricky anywhere. But that doesn;t mean the prospects are the same everywhere.

I wasn't thinking so much about 30-somethings with ticking biological clocks, although Madison can be less than ideal for that crowd. I see very few single people over 45 in Madtown. I'm thinking of the ease of making new friends without benefits. I'm happy with my circle of friends, but they are mostly friendships from 20 years or more.
Huckleby
Forum God/Goddess
 
Posts: 6180
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2005 5:12 pm
Location: parents' basement

Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby MadMind75 » Sat Dec 03, 2011 5:57 am

rrnate wrote:...I have single friends in their late 30's in multiple geographies - Chicago, Minneapolis, Seattle, San Francisco, NYC, Austin, etc., and they all complain about the same kind of stuff.

I have no doubt that every city has its challenges, but unlike those other [larger] cities, Madison's challenge is lack of quality singles and/or singles scene. Madison has all its eggs in the baskets of catering to UW kids and being a great place for kids and families.

rrnate wrote:Also, I would totally be a financial backer for Fuck City.

And there could even be specific neighborhoods for each age group (per each 5 years), apart from most areas which are all-ages, or other areas which are single and happy to stay that way.
...and there should also probably be an STD screening clinic on every street corner.
Last edited by MadMind75 on Sat Dec 03, 2011 8:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
MadMind75
Forum Addict
 
Posts: 386
Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2009 11:19 pm

PreviousNext

Return to Town Vibe

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

moviesmusiceats
Select a Movie
Select a Theater


commentsViewedForum
  ISTHMUS FLICKR

Promotions Contact us Privacy Policy Jobs Newsletters RSS
Collapse Photo Bar