MOBILE USERS: m.isthmus.com
Connect with Isthmus:         Newsletters 
Monday, October 20, 2014 |  Madison, WI: 43.0° F  A Few Clouds
Collapse Photo Bar

Stepkids spending too much of summer with us!

If it doesn't fit anywhere else, it fits here

Postby pattymcnutt » Fri Jul 13, 2007 11:42 am

snoqueen wrote:If you decide to be an adult about this, try some activities with this lil guy.Take him to a Mallards game.


Yes! take him to the Mallard's game- tonight is short people appreciation night featuring none other than Emmanuel Lewis!! Ticket prices are based on height! (no, I am not making this up, check the Mallard's website!)
pattymcnutt
Forum Addict
 
Posts: 293
Joined: Sat Jun 02, 2007 4:18 pm
Location: Madison

Postby Belle » Mon Jul 16, 2007 7:49 am

For all who gave me suggestions on what to do with my 11 yr old stepson..I appreciate your trying to mold me into someone I am NOT!I spent the first two weeks being his 24/7 caregiver without a choice or plan. Also, is it too much to ask to have a PLAN in place & a decision in the matter as to when stepkids arrive & for how long????I dont think divorce is always the answer when problems arise in marriages....I asked for help here & thought I'd find compassion???
Belle
Member
 
Posts: 16
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2007 4:20 pm

Postby Bwis53 » Mon Jul 16, 2007 8:00 am

That's why I said hubby must be involved and also if it was me, I'd seek help just to hang onto my head. I've always thought some professional shrinkage or parental stress support group stuff is a great idea. This young man is going to be an adult in a few short years. Act carefully and wisely, and do something you can feel proud of. Set a good example for the rest of the family.
Bwis53
Forum God/Goddess
 
Posts: 6386
Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2002 9:39 pm
Location: Bay Creek

Postby TheBookPolice » Mon Jul 16, 2007 9:28 am

Belle wrote:For all who gave me suggestions on what to do with my 11 yr old stepson..I appreciate your trying to mold me into someone I am NOT!I spent the first two weeks being his 24/7 caregiver without a choice or plan. Also, is it too much to ask to have a PLAN in place & a decision in the matter as to when stepkids arrive & for how long????I dont think divorce is always the answer when problems arise in marriages....I asked for help here & thought I'd find compassion???


Maybe you should re-read your first post, and consider it from the point of view of someone who knows nothing about your situation.

There was nothing in your first post that stated the two weeks had been exceeded. You used derisive language in referring to both husband and stepson.

Maybe tone down the hyperbole and question marks, and explain what's really happening. You might get some responses that you would find helpful.
TheBookPolice
Forum God/Goddess
 
Posts: 8391
Joined: Fri Aug 04, 2006 1:09 pm
Location: The mystical Far East

Postby Bwis53 » Mon Jul 16, 2007 9:42 am

I'm guessing it's a stress reaction.
Bwis53
Forum God/Goddess
 
Posts: 6386
Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2002 9:39 pm
Location: Bay Creek

Postby jjoyce » Mon Jul 16, 2007 9:46 am

Belle wrote:I asked for help here & thought I'd find compassion???


That's not actually what happened, at all. And as for compassion, I'm with those who believe your 11-year old stepson is due more than anyone else in the situation. If you were really thrust into the role of 24/7 caregiver (kid showed up and dad left town for two weeks?), then that's a beef with your husband, not this kid or his mom. If you're beefing that up a little to get some compassion, whatever. If you're not, then the problem is clearly between you and your man and it's likely not the first or last time you'll have communication problems. Either the setup was unclear or you were told things that aren't true, but either way this isn't the kid's fault.

Not knowing the specifics of the settlement between your husband and his ex makes it hard for any of us to pick sides, but I know a ton of people who are in similar situations, including myself. But in my case, everyone knew right away that my son spends half his time with me and while a week away here and there for a trip or something is fine, that's the schedule we stick with all year round. And while it might sound judgemental, I can't imagine being a dad who refuses to spend much time with my kid.

And when it comes to actual childcare, the YMCA runs some excellent day camp programs that are week-to-week. Look into them. This kid is going to have a much better time playing with kids his own age, swimming, going on field trips, etc. than hanging out with you.
jjoyce
Forum God/Goddess
 
Posts: 12168
Joined: Tue Apr 17, 2001 4:48 pm
Location: Madison, WI

Postby snoqueen » Mon Jul 16, 2007 10:53 am

PS: compassion isn't always "ooh, poor you." Sometimes it amounts to calling things the way we see them. Sometimes it takes the form of ideas from other people who have been there.

Also it helped to know this kid is 11. At first I was picturing him about 4. People who are 11 really need time with their friends -- think how he's feeling away from his regular buddies all this time. I agree with the day camp idea heartily.
snoqueen
Forum God/Goddess
 
Posts: 11611
Joined: Fri Feb 14, 2003 11:42 pm

Postby Oprah » Mon Jul 16, 2007 12:43 pm

Belle wrote:For all who gave me suggestions on what to do with my 11 yr old stepson..I appreciate your trying to mold me into someone I am NOT!I spent the first two weeks being his 24/7 caregiver without a choice or plan. Also, is it too much to ask to have a PLAN in place & a decision in the matter as to when stepkids arrive & for how long????I dont think divorce is always the answer when problems arise in marriages....I asked for help here & thought I'd find compassion???


Here's a three step program:

(1) Talk to your husband

(2) Seek outside help (other than through an on-line forum)

(3) Put the needs of your 11-year old stepson above your own. This will serve well the person you will be 10 years from now, and who knows, your 21-year old stepson may thank you for it, too.
Oprah
Forum God/Goddess
 
Posts: 1087
Joined: Tue Aug 08, 2006 3:20 pm
Location: On the Down Low

Previous

Return to Catch All

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

moviesmusiceats
Select a Movie
Select a Theater


commentsViewedForum
  ISTHMUS FLICKR
Created with flickr badge.

Promotions Contact us Privacy Policy Jobs Newsletters RSS
Collapse Photo Bar