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Drunk Posts

If it doesn't fit anywhere else, it fits here

Re: Drunk Posts

Postby pjbogart » Sun May 12, 2013 12:30 am

On a side note, I've come up with my third million dollar idea. I bought a brush for the cat and she absolutely loves being brushed but I noticed that even when I put the brush down, she rubs against it and brushes herself with no effort on my part. Someone needs to make an extra large brush, one for cats and one for dogs, that looks like a giant, spiny ding-dong. The curvature will allow them to brush their necks and bellies and treat it as something of a toy, but I couldn't help but notice that I had a brush completely full of hair after leaving it on the couch for the cat to do with as she pleased.

I'd call it the cat-gasm or dog-gasm, based upon the fervor with which she brushed herself. They'd need different grades of brushes, based upon size and strength. The brushes would reduce shedding, time brushing and be something of a self-pleasuring device for animals, hence the name.

My other two million dollar ideas are a wallet with a firm plastic side which functions as a mouse. Mouse pads are a pain and carrying around a mouse for your laptop is unnecessary if you have a wallet that serves as a mouse. It's palm sized, could easily be outfitted with a sensor and USB so that you basically always have a mouse in your pocket, assuming you carry a wallet.

The last million dollar idea is less serious. It's a small, plastic piano player that could be either a key chain or simply a figurine. It's called "My Tiny Pianist". Sold in liquor stores or convenience stores, "My Tiny Pianist" would be an inexpensive impulse buy on the counter. My girlfriend left me because she said I was spending too much time playing with my tiny pianist. Have you seen my tiny pianist? I've got a tiny pianist in my pocket. Etc. The jokes practically write themselves, and honestly what guy doesn't wish that he had a tiny pianist?
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby pjbogart » Tue May 14, 2013 12:24 am

I'm not drunk, in fact I haven't had anything to drink so I guess I can't even call this a buzzed post. I'm having troubles cashing in for the night, mostly because my mind is racing with guilt and anger. Visiting my brother today as he sits in a half-way house waiting to be placed in a rehab facility made me realize that my persona, I think largely based upon him... a filthy, drunken cowboy who mocks his own lack of responsibility, jokes about failing to do his dishes and makes light of drug and alcohol addiction, is funny in a way when you wish you lacked a conscience or responsibilities, but becomes a horrific tragedy when you witness it firsthand.

My brother is no cowboy, nor is failing to do his dishes rebellious and devil-may-care. His body is destroyed, he's 43 and is already rolling around an oxygen tank. He needs to stop and rest on every third stair. He can't traverse a parking lot without becoming winded and virtually all of his organs have suffered significant permanent damage. He's a walking infection, self-inflicted, but perhaps more importantly, self-absorbed.

When he got sick about 7 years ago he was in the hospital for almost a year. My mother took the cat and I had only one significant contact... a visit to the vet that included an intrusive thermometer and some eyedrops, none of which she appreciated, but she didn't turn feral either. Spending two weeks building the trust of this abused cat has really given me an appreciation for exactly what my brother has done, not just to himself but to his family, friends (long gone) and pet. Mrs. Beastly is a loving cat. She craves attention, greets me with meows and furry rubs when I come home from work and seems not-so-strangely fascinated (in retrospect) by a clean litter pan. She's a wonderful animal that would have been better off in a shelter than imprisoned in the filth of my brother's apartment.

Image

What my brother has done is criminal. It's not negligent, nor selfish, it's a complete abdication of his obligations as a decent human being. The filth and stench, inflicted upon his neighbors in the form of insect infestations, fire hazards and general unpleasantness, is almost unforgivable. Gnats swarmed the apartment almost so thick that I felt like going to get a mask so I didn't breathe them in. Unemployed for longer than one is able to collect unemployment, my brother sat and watched movies in an apartment that Satan himself would be offended if you called it hellish.

And the poor cat... eye, ear and skin infections. A loving animal that wants nothing more than a few toys and room to play, spending two thirds of its life in a landfill. It took less than two weeks to clear up her illnesses and she seems like a playful kitten, as opposed to the feral beast that entered my home.

Image

I know my brother won't respond to rehab. I don't even have a little bit of hope that perhaps he'll turn himself around. His rebellion against things like washing his own dishes has given me fodder for comedy, but in the end it's been sad and tragic. He refuses to talk to either of his parents, and his only sibling that remains in contact hopes he gets locked up in a mental institution. If not, perhaps he belongs in jail for animal cruelty.

I could have done more. I should have done more. I watched him slide and gave him too much leash. Enough to hang himself. I'm now forced to dole out tough love a decade after it would have done any good.

The drunk posts are hereby abandoned. I find no more humor in failing to take care of yourself.
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby Mad Howler » Tue May 14, 2013 1:11 am

That is brutal.
I am sorry for your very real pain.
Your decision to let this thread lay is yours.
I trust that you will continue to lend your voice elsewhere here.
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby pjbogart » Sun Jul 27, 2014 12:37 am

Well, you know, comedy=[tragedy]+[time] and I'm a bit upset that my brother sunk himself into rehab, spent the last year or so in a half-way house and now expects that I'll give him his cat back despite the fact that she's been taken care of for the first time in her life. Why should I? She sleeps on my feet, waits anxiously for me to get home from work and gets so excited by a fresh bag of Meow Mix that she eats it until she throws up. Every new bag. Fresh, delicious and worthy of kitty-chunk-blowing. Her life is dramatically improved.

It strikes me as humorous that suggesting that voting rights be tied to IQ seems like a good idea to everyone with a low IQ.

The Pixies new album is essentially a rehash of Bossanova. It's better than "none" but perhaps "none" was better than "some" where "none" essentially boosted the popularity of "none" and "some" simply serves as more of a dilution.

Quit while you're ahead.
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby gargantua » Sun Jul 27, 2014 10:15 pm

Please don't give the cat back. You'll regret it. Probably about as much as the cat.
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby snoqueen » Sun Jul 27, 2014 10:22 pm

She looks just like my cat who lived to be just a few months short of 20. Keep her. She might still be with you in 2030, still sleeping on your feet.
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby Mad Howler » Mon Jul 28, 2014 12:39 am

I mostly wish we had an "upvote" function on this forum.
That might take a little clutter out of the "best of" thread.
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby Bwis53 » Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:50 am

I was gonna post yesterday, but I thought I'll let someone else do it. Damn, keep that cat!

I have several friends with cats and they're weakening me. They're just sneaking their way into my heart. Lugging the litter and food doesn't look like such a nuisance now. I must be looking through rose tinted glasses.
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby Remember_Me » Mon Jul 28, 2014 6:10 pm

pjbogart wrote:gets so excited by a fresh bag of Meow Mix that she eats it until she throws up. Every new bag. Fresh, delicious and worthy of kitty-chunk-blowing. Her life is dramatically improved.


Her life will dramatically suffer nutrition-wise if you keep feeding her the Meow Mix.

I applaud your efforts at giving your new feline friend such a loving and safe home.

Now just please feed her correctly so she can sleep at your feet for many, many, years to come. Kibble is horrible for cats.

This website is an ABSOLUTE MUST read for all cat owners:

http://www.catinfo.org/

The whole thing.
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby Remember_Me » Wed Aug 06, 2014 11:19 pm

*BUMP*

Hey pj, you get a chance to look at that website in my last post?

I ask because I helped a friend transition her kibble-addicted tabby over to wet food these past few days. And on her razor thin budget to boot.

She swore up and down he'd never eat anything other than his dry Purina. Now he's a carnivorous beast!

Just as the universe intended.

So yeah, just curious.
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby pjbogart » Mon Aug 11, 2014 11:12 pm

Sorry, Remember, I haven't been drunk posting so I never checked the responses. But I drained a few stiff ones tonight in Robin Williams' honor and checked the drunk posts and saw your suggestion.

My brother's cat (or is it mine now?) has been to Odyssey twice now and she's in much better health than when I got her, though she's gained some weight. The vet seems to feel that she's a bit food aggressive because she was so poorly cared for. I've tried her on a few healthier foods but she doesn't even like to transition much and while she gets pretty excited for certain raw foods while I get to cooking, in the end she really only likes Meow Mix and the vet said that was fine.

She's become very good about going for walks... not like a dog so much but at least not showing horrible resentment for her harness. She walks with me and likes to stop and sniff stuff but also doesn't necessarily know when it's time to move on, though she's getting better. I joke at work that I took my cat for a "drag" but she's actually pretty good about following me and keeping moving, mostly.

She still doesn't have a solid name. My brother told me that she didn't have a name when I first picked her up, but now he tells me her name is Ellie. She doesn't respond to "Ellie" though. Mostly, she's kitty, kitties, tooters, putty tat, moo moo and meowsers.

She checks her food dish every few minutes if she's not sleeping and won't eat anything but Meow Mix, save a small amount of tuna or lunchmeat. She loves going outside and begs to go out, getting particularly talky when I'm getting ready for work. The jangling of keys seems to indicate to her that she's about to be left alone and she doesn't like that at all. When I work a long day she gets mad at me and hides under my bed for a good fifteen minutes after I get home, but usually she's waiting for me at the door to give me the ole kitty rub as I walk through the door.

I don't like the idea of stealing my brother's cat, but this is the second time we've had to recover her and both times she needed to go straight to the vet. The first time my mother had to talk the DA out of charging him with animal cruelty based upon the condition of the house and the cat. I guess I feel more responsible to the cat than my brother at this point, and if he can't take care of himself, he most certainly can't take care of his cat. I sympathize with his alcohol problems, for obvious reasons, but for all of my drunkenness, I'd never dump a pile of cat food next to her litter pan and wonder why she wasn't eating it. It's really no wonder that she was practically feral when I recovered her.

I owe it to her to make sure she's taken care of. And giving her back to my brother would violate that responsibility.
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby pjbogart » Mon Aug 11, 2014 11:38 pm

Cat talk aside, my drunk post tonight has to be about Robin Williams. I'm not a star-struck kind of guy and I tend to take death in stride, but the death of Robin Williams was kind of a gut-punch. It's not even so much that he was too young so much as that he was too young TO ME. Dead Poet's Society had a big impact on me when I was a teenager and I actually studied literature in undergrad probably largely due to that movie.

Robin Williams suffered from alcoholism and depression, two problems that have also gripped me over the years. Since I left Law School, depression hasn't affected me much, but I fully understand suicidal thoughts and the frustration of having people look at you as "having everything" even while your life seems so miserable. While people on the outside looking in consider money and success as potential antidotes to all of their problems, in fact it is very possible to be rich, successful, intelligent and miserable.

I feel a sense of grief with the suicide of Robin Williams, but mostly it's a selfish grief. An introspection and fear. A recognition that maybe this is "as good as it gets". No magic pill exists to make me normal. Tomorrow I'll change, but tomorrow never comes.

I'll never see retirement. 63 seems optimistic.
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby Mad Howler » Tue Aug 12, 2014 12:00 am

pjbogart wrote:?.post tonight has to be about Robin Williams. I'm not a star-struck kind of guy and I tend to take death in stride, but the death of Robin Williams was kind of a gut-punch. It's not even so much that he was too young so much as that he was too young TO ME. Dead Poet's Society had a big impact on me when I was a teenager and I actually studied literature in undergrad probably largely due to that movie.

Robin Williams suffered from alcoholism and depression, two problems that have also gripped me over the years. Since I left Law School, depression hasn't affected me much, but I fully understand suicidal thoughts and the frustration of having people look at you as "having everything" even while your life seems so miserable. While people on the outside looking in consider money and success as potential antidotes to all of their problems, in fact it is very possible to be rich, successful, intelligent and miserable.

I feel a sense of grief with the suicide of Robin Williams, but mostly it's a selfish grief. An introspection and fear. A recognition that maybe this is "as good as it gets". No magic pill exists to make me normal. Tomorrow I'll change, but tomorrow never comes.

I'll never see retirement. 63 seems optimistic.

You are not alone in your line of thinking.
Thank you for saying this 'out loud'.
This is a tragic biff to those who loved the work of this imperfect human/comedian/actor for being such an outstandingly perfect - imperfect human/comedian/actor.
I am so sorry that Robin 'chose' to leave us.
He will never leave me or many members of my family before it is our time to leave.
Still, as you have said, a massive gut punch - will we commit to better within ourselves ?... Maybe?
I'm not expecting ... but ya never know.
I would like to think that there is a plus to choosing life over succumbing to despair.
I and many are staggering over this 'punch'.
It should be noted that Robin was, as us, human.
I wonder how Robin expected his work to be taken over time.
I wonder if this entangled with other just expectations - & now this.
Thank you PJ for putting this out on multiple fronts.

RIP:
Robin Williams
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby Bwis53 » Tue Aug 12, 2014 9:19 am

It seems that everyone who's been around for a while, has been through something. I know intelligent grownups who are mad at the world because they've been wronged. I've had the gift of being lost and finding my way back, (with the help of damn good friends, good pills and shrinks.) The pursuit of real happiness has been a big deal for me. I don't own much but I have enough. It is a total blessing to look back at everyone in my life and see the gift in everyone.

Please keep and love that cat or give her to me.
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Re: Drunk Posts

Postby wack wack » Tue Aug 12, 2014 9:47 am

pjbogart wrote:I don't like the idea of stealing my brother's cat...


You didn't steal your brother's cat, you saved it. It really is that simple.
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