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April Fools

If it doesn't fit anywhere else, it fits here

April Fools

Postby Shorty » Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:33 pm

I didn't see any good ones in the Daily Cardinal this time. Epic has some good ones: http://www.epic.com/

And this gem was in the daily kos:

Tearful Scott Walker Apologizes to Solidarity Sing Along
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2013/04/0 ... Sing-Along

"Madison, WI (AF) - Between sobs, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker apologized today “to everyone who has ever participated in the Solidarity Sing Along”, stating he had no choice but to sign an emergency order allowing his administration to ban all noise in the state Capitol that might “hurt the feelings of conservative lawmakers, their staff members, four State Supreme Court justices and school children and orphans and widows. And veterans"...
An emotionally distraught Walker admitted the new rules are already written and his administration is reluctantly prepared to “squash some dissent, even though I personally respect all that First Amendment stuff. I have to admit I find myself humming along to 'Union Maid' and 'The Internationale' on those rare occasions when I'm in my office at the Capitol"...
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Re: April Fools

Postby jonnygothispen » Tue Apr 02, 2013 11:31 am

"Congressman Paul Ryan was thrown out of Easter Mass today at his hometown Catholic Church because of his "unchristian" stance towards the poor.

A spokesperson for St. John Vianney's church in Janesville, Wis. says it was enforcing a new papal order barring uncharitable politicians from participating in Catholic rites when it refused communion to Ryan and asked him to leave the building.

Ryan reportedly declined to move at first, and was escorted out by several large male parishioners and taken to his car, where he waited for his wife and children to finish the service."


http://dailycurrant.com/2013/03/31/paul ... nday-mass/

"I'm a big fan of the Old Testament," Ryan says. "I like the parts where God is punishing people with plagues and locusts, and killing people's first born children. The verses where he sanctions rape and genocide are just brilliant.

"But I'm not really big on this hippie New Testament thing. Too much peace and love, not enough hatred and violence. But hey, it's all God's word. So I don't see why I am excluded from Catholic services just because I like some parts better than others."
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Re: April Fools

Postby Shorty » Sun Apr 07, 2013 8:54 pm

Not sure if this is a joke or real:

Doctors say looking at busty women for 10 minutes a day is good for your health
http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/healt ... en-1107578

"STARING at busty women can lengthen your life, scientists have proved. A German study, published in the New England Journal of Medicine, concludes that staring at women's breasts for a few minutes daily is better for your health than going to the gym.

"Just 10 minutes of looking at the charms of well-endowed females is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out," said author Dr Karen Weatherby, an expert on ageing."
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Re: April Fools

Postby Remember_Me » Sun Apr 07, 2013 11:01 pm

Shorty wrote:said author Dr Karen Weatherby, an expert on ageing."


Cool.

Apparently I'm going to live forever.
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Re: April Fools

Postby Shorty » Tue Apr 09, 2013 8:20 pm

Why? do you work at Hooters?
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