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Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

What are the things that puzzle, enrage, delight and tickle you as you go about your life in Madison?

Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby exPatBearla » Sat Dec 03, 2011 6:43 pm

The thing about being over 40 is that most people that age are already married so it's true that in a small city like Madison there really are a limited number of possible connections if you are only interested in dating within your demographic. Aim lower or a little higher and numbers improve, not that that applies to me as I'm in the happily married category and not in Madison. In fact, now that I've left I look back on the city quite fondly and especially miss the bars I frequented, the coffee shops, the occasionally good live music, and especially my friends, both old and new. It's an easy place to make friends, in my experience.

Where I live now, life is more regimented, everybody works all the time and no one has time to socialize unless it's scheduled ahead of time. Most socializing is done at home and not in cafe's or bars so there are very few of these except in the city center. Also, people here are less open than those I remember in the Madcity. I've made a couple of new friends but rarely see them, maybe two or three times a year, due to our schedules and the traffic. Madison's a social paradise in comparison. Better to just get out, enjoy life and the great beer you have there.
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Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby MadMind75 » Sat Dec 03, 2011 8:26 pm

I was never a paid member, but I just deleted my Match.com profile after years of being emailed possible "matches". They were all so lame and painfully average that I lost interest (not claiming that I'm all that).
I see more date-able/f-able women just going out than I do on online. Better off just approaching strangers, although that's not an easy thing to pull off.
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Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby narcoleptish » Mon Dec 05, 2011 11:35 am

I have to guess that a majority of over 40 singles are trying online dating at some point, what with face to face communication disappearing and all. It worked for me 6 years ago (I was 38) and there were tons of people online then. You have to put some thought into your ad to not come off as Madmind says "lame and painfully average". You have to really express your personality to attract the right person's attention. At least 80% of people write the same generic crap...."I like good times with friends, laughter, and long walks on the beach". Well duh! and exactly what beaches are you walking on in Madison that are providing these long walks?

Bwis53 wrote: Desperation can be a real turn-off.

The truest statement in the thread. I have never met someone when I was actively trying to. Cultivate a great group of friends (the flesh & blood type) and through those connections your social life will grow.
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Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby rabble » Mon Dec 05, 2011 11:40 am

The rest of whatever movie it was has faded from my memory but I'll always remember the quote "Wouldn't it be great if loneliness and desperation made us more attractive?"
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Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby Ducatista » Mon Dec 05, 2011 12:18 pm

It's "neediness and desperation," actually. Albert Brooks in Broadcast News. Love that quote.

My other takeaways from that movie are "I am singing, and reading," which I sometimes sing while reading, and the two guys singing their proposed news theme, which ends "Big finish! Ba ba da da!"
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Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby Ned Flanders » Mon Dec 05, 2011 1:00 pm

Ducatista wrote:It's "neediness and desperation," actually. Albert Brooks in Broadcast News. Love that quote.

My other takeaways from that movie are "I am singing, and reading," which I sometimes sing while reading, and the two guys singing their proposed news theme, which ends "Big finish! Ba ba da da!"


Do not trust Albert Brooks. Dude wanted to "touch Indians". :shock:

Back on topic. Single people in Madison who are over 35 and want to be in a serious relationship need to run, not walk to another locale. I walked our friend Marvell (aka Schwinn Man) back from the ledge several years ago here with the same tough love.

Madison is for young people, married people and those that have give up.

Everyone else needs to vamanos.
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Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby Ducatista » Mon Dec 05, 2011 1:53 pm

Madison's not the problem. Advancing age is the problem.

Affluent white men probably have an easier time of it than the rest of the 35+ crowd, and I'll bet even plenty of them think dating would be easier if they were younger or still more affluent. (Or lived somewhere else.)
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Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby Huckleby » Mon Dec 05, 2011 4:03 pm

I think we're dancing around the obvious solution: mail order. Sure, there's the language barrior, but love conquors all.
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Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby Huckleby » Mon Dec 05, 2011 4:10 pm

exPatBearla wrote: I'm in the happily married category and not in Madison. In fact, now that I've left I look back on the city quite fondly and especially miss the bars I frequented, the coffee shops, the occasionally good live music, and especially my friends, both old and new. It's an easy place to make friends, in my experience.

Where I live now, life is more regimented, everybody works all the time and no one has time to socialize unless it's scheduled ahead of time. Most socializing is done at home and not in cafe's or bars so there are very few of these except in the city center.

Before we can enter your testimony into the records, we will require some additional data: how old were you when you were living the good life in Madtown? Mind mention your current area?
regards, accounting
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Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby Bwis53 » Mon Dec 05, 2011 9:00 pm

Huckleby wrote:I think we're dancing around the obvious solution: mail order. Sure, there's the language barrior, but love conquors all.


Uh, I hope you're joking. My brother-in-law and his best friend tried that and got burned. The best friend was thrown over by someone who was shopping for the best American husband. Brother went back to old girlfriend.
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Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby rabble » Mon Dec 05, 2011 11:46 pm

Bwis53 wrote:
Huckleby wrote:I think we're dancing around the obvious solution: mail order. Sure, there's the language barrior, but love conquors all.


Uh, I hope you're joking. My brother-in-law and his best friend tried that and got burned. The best friend was thrown over by someone who was shopping for the best American husband. Brother went back to old girlfriend.

Well yeah, it's cheaper if you both chip in on one but they should have known it would lead to problems.
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Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby MadMind75 » Tue Dec 06, 2011 2:09 am

I think a lot of the people who have "given up" as Flanders said, haven't necessarily given up, but are just waiting for something to miraculously change.
Like wack wack says;
wack wack wrote:I don't think "opportunities" and "habits" are that separate. Over decades and through generations, the attitudes and habits are a direct result of the surrounding opportunities.


Ducatista wrote:Madison's not the problem. Advancing age is the problem.

Affluent white men probably have an easier time of it than the rest of the 35+ crowd, and I'll bet even plenty of them think dating would be easier if they were younger or still more affluent. (Or lived somewhere else.)

You may have a point there. There aren't nearly enough "normal", attractive, down-to-earth women to match all us broke-ass guys floatin' in and around Madison.
The few appealing women appropriate for that age range (or women 25-35 hanging out at Madison's or some shit) which are around are probably waiting for their golden ticket to come trollin' in.
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Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby kurt_w » Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:44 am

Maybe it's just me, but this thread has "impending doom" written all over it.

There's no reason why folks shouldn't be able to talk about the challenges facing single people in Madison. But leaving the keys to the thread where MadMind can find them probably isn't a good idea.
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Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby Bwis53 » Tue Dec 06, 2011 10:06 am

Bwis53 wrote:
Huckleby wrote:I think we're dancing around the obvious solution: mail order. Sure, there's the language barrior, but love conquors all.


Uh, I hope you're joking. My brother-in-law and his best friend tried that and got burned. The best friend was thrown over by someone who was shopping for the best American husband. Brother went back to old girlfriend.


No, Brother was burned by a different one. STD's. I also think a lot of older folks just get pickier, scared, cynical and set in their ways.
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Re: Madison - social dud for over 40's ?

Postby narcoleptish » Tue Dec 06, 2011 10:10 am

Bwis53 wrote:
Bwis53 wrote:
Huckleby wrote:I think we're dancing around the obvious solution: mail order. Sure, there's the language barrior, but love conquors all.


Uh, I hope you're joking. My brother-in-law and his best friend tried that and got burned. The best friend was thrown over by someone who was shopping for the best American husband. Brother went back to old girlfriend.


No, Brother was burned by a different one. STD's. I also think a lot of older folks just get pickier, scared, cynical and set in their ways.


Can we assume this was all BEFORE he was your brother-in-law?
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