I agree
with Melissa Faliveno in "Wedding Ache" (1/11/2008) that wedding expenses have
gotten out of hand. People get sucked into the wedding machine, and the costs
simply start adding up.
As a
pastor, though, I wanted to offer three simple observations. First, even though
weddings are expensive, they are enjoyable. There is something fun about
throwing an extravagant party for your friends — if it doesn't inflict terrible
costs on your friends and if you find a way to cover the costs in a timely
fashion.
Second, I
wish that couples would invest as much energy in their relationship as they do
in their wedding. I conduct a marriage coaching program, and I think the time
couples spend building on strengths and growth areas in their marriage is the
most important thing they do to prepare for married life.
I
recommend that all couples consider a coaching program (for example,
Prepare/Enrich, www.prepare-enrich.com/indexm.cfm). Lots of people invest
considerable time choosing a reception hall, menu, cake, dresses and
photographer. But couples will benefit long term by talking about
communication, conflict resolution, financial planning, children and parenting,
assertiveness and active-listening skills, sexual expectations and spirituality.
Third,
there are some great resources out there for planning simpler weddings. For
example, Sharon Hanby-Robie's book A Simple Wedding: A Faith-filled Guide to
Enjoying a Stress-Free Wedding. To keep expenses down, couples could even check
it out from the library!
Pastor
Clint Schnekloth, East Koshkonong Lutheran Church, Cambridge
It isn't
the wedding industry that's out of control, but the couples contemplating
marriage. Instead of putting their energy into marriage, most couples opt for
wasting resources on a single wedding day. Glitz does not make a marriage:
People do. Simple ceremonies, simple gifts and close family and friends are all
it really takes to begin a marriage.
Charles
McEniry, Stoughton
Although
I realize Melissa Faliveno is disgusted with the entire business of weddings, I
feel she unfairly demonizes wedding vendors for their prices. What everyone
needs to remember is that DJs, photographers and caterers are not working a
9-to-5 salaried position. They price their services according to their costs,
the experience they bring to the work and ultimately what they need to make a
living. This is no different than any other business. It should not be viewed
as the price gouging of poor, innocent brides.
Heather
Thompson
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