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Friday, September 19, 2014 |  Madison, WI: 59.0° F  Partly Cloudy with Haze
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Tell All: A man to come home to
Should I explore gay sex with my roommate?

Dear Tell All: I'm a guy and I'll be a sophomore in college next year, and a few days ago I moved into an apartment with another friend. Now I had never been too close with this guy, but we got along, and since we're both attending the same school we thought it would be cool if we both rented out an apartment. Anyway, lately I've been wanting to spend more time with him. Like, more than I actually would have ever considered. I've been curious about my sexuality for a while now, and I feel attracted to him in some ways. I also get the vibe that he's attracted to me, but I'm not sure.

How should I approach this? I'm afraid that if I ask him flat out he'll be offended, or that he'll think I only want sex, which I don't. But if I don't ask him, this apartment-sharing deal will be too awkward and difficult for me.

The Roomie

Dear Roomie: For Jerry Falwell's sake, keep your pants zipped! Don't you realize what's happening here? The same boa-wearing evildoers who brainwashed Adam Lambert have been secretly recruiting across this vast, homophobic country of ours for decades, and now it appears that they've gotten to you! They've been lurking in the shadows, chipping away at our most cherished institutions. First came the jaw-dropping news that they had somehow managed to convert the Village People. Then we discovered that Tinky Winky was sending gay, subliminal messages to our children through the Teletubbies.

To put it bluntly, we're only one gay away from a complete moral meltdown. The fate of the entire nation rests on whether you can keep your pickle in your pants. Forget the sanctity of marriage: Pretty soon people are going to be demanding the right to marry sheep. (For the record, I've fallen in love with my share of sheep, and as incredible as the sex was, it's nearly impossible to get those kinky, promiscuous bastards to say "I do.")

Despite my sarcasm, I fully support your exploring your sexuality, and college is the perfect place to do it. But I would be very cautious about starting a relationship with your roommate. There are simply too many red flags. First, you don't know if your roommate is gay. Second, you don't even know if you yourself are gay. Third, you're roommates! Things may start off well, and you might have several wonderful weeks or months together. But if anything goes wrong, you'll be packing your bags and looking for another apartment.

So I would suggest that you do some soul-searching. Talk to your friends. Go out on some dates. Satisfy your sexual curiosity...but not with your roommate.

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