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Sunday, September 21, 2014 |  Madison, WI: 56.0° F  Overcast
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Tell All: 'We don't wear suits'
Should I bring my wife to a naked hot-tub party?
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Dear Tell All: I'm a middle-aged male; a female coworker has invited my wife and me and two other couples to come and enjoy her and hubby's new hot tub. "We don't wear suits, so don't bring one," she says. My wife's okay with the idea. What are your thoughts?

Nervously Clutching My Speedo

Dear Nervous: I see a lot of red flags here: a hot tub, a female coworker, your wife, no swimsuits, middle-aged spread and dangling genitalia. There's some comfort in knowing that two other couples have been invited, but that could also increase the magnitude of your pubic...I mean public humiliation. It's also a good sign that you and your coworker are both married and that your wife is okay with the idea, but the very fact that you wrote in shows you're having second thoughts.

You need to ask yourself some honest questions. First, how well do you know these people? Revealing your naked nooks and crannies to someone you just met will be a lot more awkward than if you've been playing Twister together for years. Second, are you even remotely attracted to your coworker? If you've ever fantasized about lifting her onto the Xerox machine so that you can photocopy your indiscretions, you may want to think twice about accepting this invitation. The last thing you want is to get your nubbins tangled up in a frothy office scandal, especially with your wife as a witness.

If you decide to go, take your suit along. You don't have to wear it, but it will be there in case you chicken out, or on the off chance that everyone else shows up wearing suits and your coworker was just setting you up for a cruel joke. For a little added security, you could bring along an inflatable pool toy - preferably the kind that wraps around your waist, with a long neck in the front. Giraffes are always nice.

Do you have a question about life or love in Madison? Write Tell All, 101 King St., Madison, WI, 53703. Or email tellall@isthmus.com.

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