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Saturday, January 31, 2015 |  Madison, WI: 34.0° F  Overcast
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Nudes at the Wisconsin Capitol. Oh the humanity!
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Why aren't people weeping and getting nauseated over this?
Why aren't people weeping and getting nauseated over this?
Credit:Lou Cheese

To read the police reports, you'd think the citizens of Madison had witnessed zombies cracking open skulls and feasting on the gooey mess inside.

"It was disgusting," complainant Barbara B. told Madison police office Rene Gonzalez, according to his report. "I wanted to vomit." She was at the Farmers' Market with her 4-year-old granddaughter when participants in the World Naked Bike Ride rode past. One man fell off his bike to reveal...full frontal nudity.

Then it got even worse. "The guy stood up and waved at us! I was speechless."

B.'s complaint, fielded just shy of 11:30 a.m. on June 19, was apparently the first of the day. It was the moment police were waiting for. Their predetermined action plan was to issue citations if complaints were received.

After B.'s horror story was logged, the cops told bikers to cover their naughty parts or else, then issued 11 disorderly conduct citations, for $429 each, to 10 people. (Among those cited, by Gonzalez, was Cesilee Dean, who has filed a complaint alleging that he initially refused to let her put on a shirt after ushering her to his squad - see Watchdog, 7/8/10).

Throughout the day, reports show, police continued to collect complaints from other shocked citizens. Officer Angie Dyhr spoke by phone with Katherine M., a State Street business owner, who stated at 3:45 p.m. that she "had literally just stopped crying" over what she'd witnessed hours before: "multiple nude participants" within view of her daughters, ages 9 and 13. M. was so upset she closed her business and canceled her appointments for the day.

Another citizen, Jeff T., was similarly aghast. "There are kids everywhere," he told police.

Won't somebody please think of the children?

In fact, as a local blogger who goes by the name Lou Cheese has helpfully documented, the participants in the World Naked Bike Ride, which has played out in cities all over the world, were not the only ones flashing naughty parts at downtown visitors that day.

The sculptures that encircle the upper echelons of the state Capitol include, he found, at least 10 exposed breasts, one "exposed johnson," and even a naked young girl - "child porn." Cheese cuts it like this: "If people hate nudity and they found the World Naked Bike Ride offensive, why aren't they complaining about these naked statues?"

And, if people do complain, will Madison cops storm the Capitol, hammers in hand?

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