The great debate over pornography began in this space with "Defending Anthony Weiner" (6/17/2011) and continued with a couple who claimed that "Pornography Ruined Our Marriage" (9/2/2011). Readers then questioned the couples' point of view in "Don't Blame Porn" (9/15/2011). Well, Madison still isn't through with this topic, to judge from the flood of letters in my inbox. This week, momentum returns to the anti-pornography side.
Dear Tell All: Addiction to pornography is about loving the state of being during the high. It will always diminish your desire for your mate, always hurt them whether you care or not, and in the mate's mind will most often be held in the same light as if they walked in on the addict cheating. No, inviting your mate to join you and your mistress is a bad idea. And in the end that is exactly what porn is - a mistress, mostly kept behind closed doors but always wanting more of the addict.
Dear Tell All: I would encourage you to look up the word addiction on Webster.com. It uses words like compulsive, habit-forming, tolerance and withdrawal. While I realize pornography is not a substance that is directly put into the body for its mind-altering effect, it certainly is habit-forming, compulsive, and creates a tolerance that leaves you needing more. If a man tells you he is addicted to pornography, it is because he feels it to be a harmful substance.
With pornography the high is the chemical-based state of euphoria that comes with orgasm. When the need for the altered state is met, the low will often present itself as a feeling of disconnect to the needs of their mate, both emotional and physical.
Unless a man is married to a sex addict, the idea that sharing porn will be helpful is borderline ignorant. Even if the mate agrees to watch with the addict, there will be a sense of feeling unwanted, and in the end that relationship will not last in the majority of cases. When it does work out it is because both the husband and the wife acknowledge the addiction, work on the underlying issues and avoid the thing that takes them to the altered state.
Dear Tell All: If my male species wants to see that crap, he can get the hell out of my house.
Sick World We Live In