Dear Tell All: In "No Cross-Dressing Allowed" (6/28/2013), All Dressed Up and No Place to Go described the scene of his girlfriend coming home to find him dressed up in her clothes. She threw him out, and he complained about her failure to "understand" his interest in cross-dressing.
The important thing here is not somebody's gender identity; it's that it was hidden from the other person in the relationship. The other person should have a choice upfront whether they want to be cohabiting with a cross-dresser. It is deceitful by omission. And you have to wonder what the motivation is for that deceit.
Bottom line: It is you being used by your partner and a major trust issue. She had every right to break it off with him.
Deceived, Not Dumb
Dear Tell All: Everybody who has commented so far on "No Cross-Dressing Allowed," including you, has missed the most important point. The guy is in the wrong, and the girlfriend is right to be pissed -- not because he likes to dress up in women's clothing, but because he was messing around with her stuff without her permission.
That's not cool, no matter how sporting the couple is about everything else. Even freaks ought to respect their partners' privacy.
Privacy Freak
Dear Tell All: In your column "Using the N-Word" (7/19/2013), Talking Sense gave a tortured defense of several individuals who used the N-word in private situations. He allowed that they might be insensitive and old-fashioned, but denied that they necessarily had hate in their hearts. However, what started as an exculpation of disgraced chef Paula Deen just got weirder and weirder. What does Talking Sense do for relaxation? Tap dance through minefields?
Talking Sense's premise was that sometimes a word is just a word -- that you can call Grandma a whore and still expect a birthday gift. Sorry, no. If words don't represent the way you really feel, what does?
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison? Write Tell All, 101 King St., Madison, WI 53703. Or email tellall@isthmus.com.
