Dear Tell All: "Old Softy" wrote you about his fantasies of other women during sex with his wife ("Sinning in My Heart," 9/26/2013). He thinks of these women when he's worried about performing in bed, because apparently his wife doesn't have what it takes to get him excited anymore. Old Softy feels guilty because he's not really "with" his wife when he imagines doing "nasty things" with other attractive women he knows. You responded that he should stop keeping his thoughts to himself and start getting her involved in the fantasies. That, according to you, is the secret to improving their sex life.
I've always wondered whether Tell All was written by a man or a woman, and now I know. You are a man. Only a man -- a clueless man -- would suggest that another man reveal his fantasies about other women to his wife. If my husband told me his lecherous thoughts about women we both know, "performing" would be the least of his worries. He'd be lucky to get out of the bedroom alive.
Am I right about you being a man?
Giantess
Dear Giantess: Sorry, trade secret. But let's pretend for a minute that I am a man. (Hint: I have pretended to be one many times.) Was it so wrong of me to suggest that Old Softy reveal his fantasies to his wife? He feels guilty that he's keeping them a secret, so why not address the problem?
I believe partners can share fantasies in a nonthreatening way. Hopefully Old Softy's wife is an understanding woman who feels secure enough about their relationship to be adventurous. If not, the two of them can move on to other strategies for repairing their sex life.
Despite your tough talk, Giantess, I sense insecurity in you. If you'd really get that upset over your husband's harmless fantasies, I sense you may need to do some repair work on your own relationship.
How about you, readers? Would you want your partner to share fantasies about someone you both know?
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison? Write Tell All, 101 King St., Madison, WI 53703. Or email tellall@isthmus.com.
