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Close-up of woman's hands in handcuffs
Dear Tell All: I'm stunned by your advice to Baby Doll, who enjoys being demeaned by her boyfriend during sex ("My Partner Likes to Degrade Me: And I Sort Of Want Him To!," 11/6/2014). Baby Doll calls herself a feminist and yet gets aroused by being degraded in a classically sexist way. Her male partner (who's also allegedly a feminist) enjoys it when she talks in a breathy little girl voice. He also wants her to start dressing like a whore.
So here we have two "feminists" getting turned on by the most retrograde female stereotypes. You gave them your stamp of approval, Tell All, insisting that Baby Doll could play-act in the bedroom while still preserving her dignity. Sure, what's more dignified than turning yourself into a sexy little girl or a prostitute because a man wants you to?
Here's a simple test to determine whether you are or are not a feminist. If you seek out situations in which a female is submissive and a male is the master, you're not.
Glorious Steinem
Dear Tell All: I believe your advice to Baby Doll was sound. There is nothing inherently un-feminist about playacting, to whatever extent it may go. A woman can be a crazy-kinky sex kitten in the bedroom and still be a feminist in every way everywhere else, just as long as all involved are consenting adults, limits are respected and reasonable safety precautions are observed. (Ever seen Sex Sent Me to the ER on TLC?)
So for Baby Doll it's simply a question of whether she wants to. Is she willing to be adventurous, and does she trust her partner to respect limits? She says she has pushed the envelope before and was well rewarded for it, so it seems like a good gamble to me.
But it is her choice regardless, and I hope her partner loves her and respects her enough to not try to water-cannon her into something she sincerely does not want to do. I also hope that in the spirit of gender equality, he is himself as good, giving and game as he wants her to be.
Enlightened Male
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