The big story around Wisconsin continues to be the "drought of aught 12!" Several junior local television news reporters were said to be nearing sunstroke from three straight weeks of reporting from parched cornfields saying things like, "these fields should have been knee high by the Fourth of July; instead they could be dust by August." The combination of extreme heat and a strain on clichés was driving some to the brink of exhaustion.
"If we don't get rain soon, we'll be out of new ways to say it's really dry out there," said one assignment editor.
Luckily, we did get some rain by the end of the week prompting a run on stories that began, "It may be too little too late, but for some farmers..."
Speaking of long waits for not much, the Boy Scouts have decided after two years of soul searching to continue to discriminate against openly gay boys and gay and lesbian adults. This despite the fact that Boy Scout leaders continue to wear the gayest outfits around. You ever see these guys in their knickers and their kerchiefs? If there were merit badges for "fabulous," they'd be winning them.
The presidential campaign heated up this week with Republicans all in a tizzy because Democrats were doing to Mitt Romney what the GOP has done to every Democratic presidential candidate since Al Gore: beat the bejesus out of him early and often.
"I wish this president would learn how to be an American," said a frustrated John Sununu, the former New Hampshire governor, on Tuesday during a Romney campaign media conference call.
When asked what he meant by that, Sununa clarified his remarks. "Do I have to spell it out for you?" Sununa asked. "Ok. Look. He should be a white guy. Do I make myself clear?"
But Americans were made proud when they learned that Mitt Romney's horse will represent our country in the dancing horse competition at the Olympics. This is much more blue collar than, say, John Kerry's windsurfing.
Just the other day I was getting my oil changed and the guys were discussing the Olympic dressage competition and hoping that our dancing horses would beat the Russians.
The Romney camp is also fretting over what to do with Sarah Palin. She'd like to speak at the Republican convention. They'd rather she didn't.
"It's not that we want to alienate the bat-shit crazy vote," said a Romney campaign source. "In fact, we're counting on it. It's just that we need to eek out a few votes from people who can name a newspaper they've read in the last six months. It's a real dilemma, ya know?"
And, finally, on the sports pages, the Milwaukee Brewers gave up this week on John Axford and installed Francisco Rodreiguez as their regular closer. K-Rod proceeded to age Brewer fans prematurely in two straight games in which he tried really hard to blow a save but couldn't quite pull it off.
That's all I've got for now. Have a good weekend, kids!
