Dear Tell All: "Sinning Only in My Head" feels bad that he thinks of another attractive woman when having sex with his girlfriend ("I Fantasize About Other Women," 7/17/2014). I agree it was a boner (so to speak) that he blurted out another woman's name during their lovemaking, but I also think his girlfriend overreacted by calling him a "pig." So did you, Tell All.
Did "Sinning Only in My Head" actually go out and have sex with the woman he fantasized about? No. He just wanted sex with his girlfriend to go well, fearing he wouldn't get "properly excited."
As a fellow male, I can tell you that it's not always easy to get the equipment working the way you want it to, so you do whatever you must in terms of fantasizing.
The only real sin committed by "Sinning Only in My Head" is not keeping his mouth shut. Hopefully he's learned his lesson.
Dear Tell All: Instead of calling "Sinning Only in My Head" a pig, why didn't you say "I just don't believe that all good relationships are damaged by lusty thoughts about others"? In truth, most of us are going to have these lusty thoughts whether we want to or not -- everyone from priests to politicians to dutiful husbands and wives. So I say stop feeling guilty about your normal urges while exercising as much self-control as you need to.
Dear Tell All: I would tell "Sinning Only in My Head" that you are missing the point of what making love is about. It's an expression of intimacy to the person you are making love with. Instead, it sounds like your goal is just to "get 'er done," no matter how. Do you not see how dishonest you are being to your girlfriend?
If you are not feeling adequately aroused,perhaps you should just skip it that time and have sex less often, when you are both wanting it. Or maybe, if you masturbate frequently, you should stop relating so much to yourself and save it up for your girlfriend.
If neither of these things work, maybe you need to find someone who you are capable of making love to honestly.
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