Dear Tell All: I feel a sense of urgency about the crisis at the Capitol, and I started protesting Gov. Scott Walker's union-busting budget bill the day after the Democratic state senators fled to Illinois. At almost every rally since, I've noticed this beautiful woman, usually protesting by herself. She always carries some kind of sign, and she's incredibly cute, with wavy blond hair, long legs and a coat covered with pro-worker, anti-Walker buttons. I keep wanting to talk to her, but I'm worried about embarrassing myself.
Would she find it offensive if a guy tried to ask her out during an intense political showdown that she obviously feels strongly about?
Smitten on the State Street steps
Dear Smitten: My, my, how easily we get distracted from our urgent political causes.
If this woman is as dedicated as you say, you're going to have a hard time getting her interested in romance as long as Gov. Walker is on the rampage. But it's not impossible, as long as you follow a few simple guidelines.
a) When you try to make conversation with her, don't use any of these turnoff words: "voter ID," "austerity," "privatize." Do use these more aphrodisiac terms: "recall," "economic justice," "compromise."
b) Don't accidentally use a phrase associated with Gov. Walker. For example, if she agrees to a date, don't echo Walker's obsequious response to the prank caller pretending to be a billionaire backer: "That would be outstanding!"
c) On the other hand, your pickup lines should echo chants from the rallies whenever possible:
- "This is what democracy looks like - and you look gorgeous!"
- "Whose house? My house - after the rally!"
- "Walker's got a Koch Habit - and how would you like to join me for a Coke?"
d) Most important, don't let this opportunity pass you by. Ideally, you'll find a kindred spirit who shares your pro-union passion. At worst, you'll just embarrass yourself.
But a little embarrassment never hurt anybody. You can always flee to Illinois until you regain your dignity.
tellall@isthmus.com
